Peer Acceptance
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Through observation and interactions with children, early educators learn to distinguish between general acceptance of a child by his peers and true friendships between individual children characterized by mutual affection, companionship, and longevity (Kostelnik, Soderman, & Whiren, 2007). The factors that attract children to their peers are very similar to those that attract adultsshared interests, personality, appearance, and behavior (Howes & Lee, 2007; Kowalski, 2007).
General peer acceptance is important, since much of a child’s day at school or care involves interactions with others in play, small- or large-group activities with adults, snacks and mealtimes, story time, or rest. Some of these activities are more “high profile” than others; for example, if a child states loudly, “Ewww, I don’t want Timmy to sit with me at lunch,” it is likely other children will hear and the probability of Timmy being rejected by others increases (Ladd, Herald, & Andrews, 2006). Further, once a child has established a negative reputation, that reputation becomes more and more difficult to overcome, and it becomes harder for the child to form individual friendships as well (Buhs & Ladd, 2001; Gallagher et al., 2007; Persson, 2005).
Because play is typically a fluid activity, with children moving about and highly engaged in what they are doing, a child can “practice” negotiating relationships with peers by inviting others to play or asking them to join a play in progress. Studies have shown that children are most successful in their attempts to join group play when teachers encourage them to:
- Approach a group of four or more children, as the personal dynamics of pairs and triads are characteristically more exclusive and likely to result in a rejected offer or request.
- Observe for a few minutes so the child can gain a sense of what is going on, and then make an effort to join the play by imitating what other children are doing and using language that focuses on the group, rather than on themselves. For example, instead of saying, “I want to play,” a child will be more successful by asking, “Can I help you build the bridge?” (Ladd, Herald, & Andrews, 2006.)