| Being a Teen Mother and Single
As I reflect back and move forward, there is no doubt that I was a troubled teen. Upon graduation from high school, I found out I was pregnant. What were my options? What would my life hold for my child and me? As a young indigenous working-class woman, would I become another casualty of societal inequities that would position my child to follow a path of poverty and disempowerment? Yes, I had a loving family, and yes, I had personal drive, but I didn’t have wealth, racial, or gender privilege. Because of my perseverance and familial love, I entered an urban community college. There I met a faculty mentor who helped me empower myself. Without his belief in me, I may not have been able to believe in myself. My daughter was born at the end of my first year. I was worried about how I could continue school and care for my newborn. My mentor encouraged me to bring her to school when my family was unable to help. He would watch her in his office while I attended class. I had an academic home. Not all of my experiences were positive. Because I was a teenage mom, I was often talked down to, expected to do poorly academically, and it was assumed that I provided inadequate care for my child. For example, I was strongly encouraged by the college to attend parenting classes. Although I learned valuable information about the importance of play and had wonderful opportunities to learn songs and games with my child, I also was positioned as the “teenage mother”—the “at-risk” parent. These educators failed to understand that my lived experiences gave me an incredible life tool. I was raised by a hard-working single mother and a loving family. My parental funds of knowledge came from a loving community that cherished each child as a sacred gift. We may not have always been lavished with extravagant gifts, but we were always immersed in love. In reflecting back, I realize how much I believe in the power of fierce hopefulness through mentorship and love. For me, the stereotypical portrayals of teen moms and societal inequities were what could have been my roadblocks. I urge all teachers and caregivers to examine their biases about teen moms and the social issues that impact the lives of young mothers. Every mom, as well as every child, deserves empowering spaces where they can succeed. |
As the statistics for 2011 suggest, Kristen’s single motherhood is, in many ways, not unusual. On a practical level, this means that your interactions with children’s families will have some complexity to them and require a good amount of diplomacy and communication skill. Skilled diplomacy will be especially important to avoid communicating negative attitudes, such as those suffered by Kristen. The potential results, however, will be well worth the effort.
The necessary skills are not generally acquired overnight, making patience with oneself an essential as well. One parent educator and program director (Keyser, 2006) has described the evolution of her attitude toward parents, one which she suspects she shares with many other teachers and caregivers. Her first stage, she says, could be titled “Save the Child” in which, as a new teacher, she wanted to convince parents to be more like her and, if that didn’t work, she would just take their children home with her. After some experience as a teacher, stage two, “Save the Parents” evolved. In this stage, she wanted to share with parents everything she knew about good child development practice so they could learn to care for their children as she did. While this second stage was more advanced, she believes it failed to “acknowledge the gifts, resources, goals, and culture that all parents hold for their children” (p. xi). Finally, she reached the third stage, “Partnership with Families” in which it was possible to “acknowledge that both teachers and parents have the knowledge, expertise, experience, and resources that are needed for the best education, care, and support for every child.” Families, and not just the children, she argues, “are in the center of care, and as children’s primary teachers and advocates, families are essential partners in the care and education of their children” (p. xi).
The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) is in complete agreement with this final statement, saying that, “Families matter, both in terms of their influence on their own child or children and as partners with administrative and teaching staff who are working to maximize the quality of children’s experiences” (NAEYC, n.d., p. 9). Given the importance of families as partners, we will discuss next the benefits to everyone of good parent–teacher interactions. For the purposes of our discussion, we will include in the definition of parent, a child’s primary home caregiver, whether biological parent or not.