ADVOCACY IN ACTION ADDRESSING CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION: ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
The labels put on this stage by some parents (the terrible twos) and by some experts (the terrific twos) reflect the various ways to look at the behaviors of this stage.
M03_GONZ2275_07_SE_C03.indd 46 10/8/15 1:11 PM
Supporting Families with Autonomy-Seeking Youngsters 47
lips shut and turns aside. His meaning is clear. Without a word spoken, this is the beginning of “No!”
The theory says that the child can now begin to see himself as an individual sepa- rate from his mother or other object of attachment. He finds power in his difference— he’s not the same person as this adult in his life. He finds power, and he uses it.
This is only the beginning. By two years of age, this child is likely to be contrary about everything. If his mother likes peas, he hates them. If his father wants to take him for a ride, he balks. He refuses to get into the bathtub, and when he is finally coaxed in, he refuses to get out again. Life becomes a struggle because he is so busy asserting his individuality.
Sometimes toddlers say “no” so much because they hear the word all the time. If adults use the word no as the primary means of managing behavior, the first no’s of their children may be imitations of adults. However, even if adults use a variety of means of guiding behavior and minimize the number of no’s in their child’s life, tod- dlers still learn to say that magic word. It’s important to realize that learning to say no is a vital skill. What would your life be like if you never said no to anything? Do you remember the temptations of your teen years? Do you wish you had learned to say a good strong “No!” earlier? What are your temptations now? Do you find saying no a useful skill in your life today? How much do you remember about your own tod- dler years? Did the adults who were in your life regard your no’s as skill building or as defiance of their authority? Their perception of you then may influence your percep- tion of children in the toddler stage now.
Exploration Exploration starts in infancy, grows out of attachment and a sense of trust, and increases as children move toward autonomy. It may seem ironic that a child who is firmly attached explores more than one who is not. But it makes sense if you think of the attachment as providing a se- cure base to move out from. In fact, you can even see this phe- nomenon in action by watching a parent and a young child who are in a strange environment. The child will move out from the par- ent but will check back regularly. Sometimes it’s just a glance; other times she runs back to the parent and clings for a moment before venturing out again.
The other factor in explo- ration is the freedom to move that the child is given in infancy. The research of Dr. Emmi Pikler (2007) indicates that babies who
Gy ul
a Gy
uk li/
Fo to
lia
Babies who develop their movement skills independent of adults learn that they are capable individuals and become remarkable explorers
M03_GONZ2275_07_SE_C03.indd 47 10/8/15 1:11 PM
48 CHAPTER 3
develop their movement skills independent of adults learn that they are capable in- dividuals. Their trust in their own skills makes them remarkable explorers (David & Appell, 2001; Gonzalez-Mena, 2004; Pikler, 1971, 1973; Pikler & Tardos, 1968; Tardos, 2007). Babies in the Pikler Institute, a residential nursery in Budapest, are put on their backs where they have the most freedom to use their bodies. They are free of restric- tive devices like infant seats, swings, even high chairs. No one puts the babies into positions they can’t get into by themselves. Adults don’t sit them up, stand them up, or walk them around. As they grow, these babies show an amazing sense of physical security (Tardos 2007). This same approach is also used by the staff at the Resources for Infant Educarers in Los Angeles, California. Founded by Magda Gerber and known as RIE, the program follows the teachings of Emmi Pikler, who was a teacher, mentor, and friend of Gerber (Gerber, 1979; Hammond, 2009; Soloman, 2013).
Infants who learn to use their bodies well and who experience adult apprecia- tion of their exploration urges become toddlers who move around a lot when they feel secure. Toddlers, without urging, spontaneously explore the space around them. In my classes I’ve asked students to observe a toddler in child care and to map the territory the child moves through. The maps that come out of these observations are amazing. A toddler can cover miles in a single day just by exploring what’s in a room or a play yard.
Toddlers explore with their hands—and use their other senses as well. Given something new, they’ll bang it, smell it, try to pull it apart, maybe throw it, and quite often taste it. They are little scientists. They want to know what everything can do—how it works.
Toddlers are “doers” but not “producers.” They ex- plore, experiment, and try things out to see what will happen. That means if you give them a toy or an activity that is designed to be used in a certain way, they’re sure to try a dozen other ways to use it. They are not interested in outcomes or products. They enjoy the process of exploring and experimenting for its own sake, and they don’t need anything to show for it. It helps if parents have this in- formation and can appreciate this stage of development. Communities who under- stand toddlers can also make spaces in neighborhoods for them to play that are safe and developmentally appropriate. This is especially important in low-income urban areas where indoor exploration space may be limited.
If you give toddlers an activity that is designed to be used in a certain way, they are sure to try a dozen other ways to use it; they are not interested in outcomes or products
Ls an
til li/
Fo to
lia
M03_GONZ2275_07_SE_C03.indd 48 10/8/15 1:11 PM
Supporting Families with Autonomy-Seeking Youngsters 49
Independence and Interdependence Newborn babies are faced with two major tasks: (1) to become independent individu- als, and (2) to establish connections with others. The parents’ job is to help their chil- dren with these tasks. Most parents focus more on one task than the other. Some even ignore one and leave its accomplishment almost to chance (Rogoff, 2003).
European American parents, developmentalists, and researchers focus on independence and individuality, which is also the focus of this chapter (Copple & Bredekamp, 2009; Copple, Bredekamp, & Gonzalez-Mena, 2009). Parents from other cultures are more concerned about their children’s ability to create and maintain strong connections. These parents have a different view of practically everything because of their focus on interdependence, or mutual dependence, instead of independence.
Parents whose primary goal is to establish and keep connections may have more concern about their children’s identity as a family member and little concern about teaching their children self-help skills (Brunson Day, 2010). For example, self-feeding may be postponed because feeding is a time in which connections are nourished. They may continue spoon-feeding long past infancy, into toddlerhood and beyond. This prac- tice can get them in trouble if their child enters child care or other types of toddler- or parent-education programs. Teachers may be shocked when an almost-three-year-old sits down at breakfast the first day and waits to be fed. Parents can be quite surprised and disappointed when they learn of a program’s policy on self-help skills.
Although parents who stress independence look down on the idea of “coddling” children, to the parent focused on making connections there’s nothing negative about doing things for children, even things they are capable of doing for themselves. These parents see no reason to keep from prolonging babyhood and continuing the closeness. Their attitude makes sense if you understand their goal. They worry about too much in- dependence, so they try to discourage it. Independent-minded parents have the opposite worry. They fear that if they don’t encourage independence, their children will remain dependent on them, maybe forever!
Parents who stress connectedness expect their children to be independent as well, but they believe it will happen naturally. In fact, they worry that the drive for indepen- dence is too strong; that’s why they have to work so hard to maintain connections. See Figure 3.2 for more information on these two approaches.
Self-Help Skills Another behavior that indicates growing autonomy is the push for self-help skills. How the adults respond to this and to the exploring behavior will determine to